Forgiveness

Human: Are you saying you still forgive?

ME: The meaning of forgiveness doesn't mean I am not hurt. The meaning of forgiveness doesn't mean that I will ever talk to them again.  It doesn't mean I desire to ever reconnect with them. But at the same time I don't wish them ill. 

Humans use "Forgiveness" just as a word to show how great they are, but when you truly love someone, forgiveness just follows on its own. It isn't then an act you are consciously aware of. 

If you aren't following what I am saying then you are yet to feel true love. 

When I am Gone

In a world full of love and of lies

You looked into my trusting eyes

With a heart so pure

I thought you were sure

But you let the deceitful guise rise

I loved you more than words could say

But you took my chance at life away

With your endless lies

And deceitful cries

I forgave you, even as I lay

On my deathbed, I wondered why

You would betray me, make me cry

But in my last breath

I know I will forgive you, no less

For true love could never die

I hope you understand the pain

That you caused with your selfish gain

But in the end

It's you, my friend

Who lost out on love, in vain

So as I leave this earthly place

I hope you'll learn from your disgrace

For love is pure

And forgiveness sure

But betrayal will never erase

So goodbye, my love, I'll see you soon

In another life, under a new moon

And yet I'll forgive once more

But this time from the other shore

- Vrushu 

Lost My Being

Every word of hatred pierces through my heart,

Leaving me feeling torn apart.

Tears flow from my eyes,

As I try to disguise,

The pain that threatens to tear me apart.

I try to act cold and unaffected,

But inside I feel utterly dejected.

The weight of my words,

Like sharp, piercing swords,

I try to push the act away,

But it compels me saying, it's the only way,

I wish I could turn off this sick game,

But I hate my kindness & vow to never be the same again.

My words for you cut me too like knives,

And hurt so deep inside,

I wonder if my kindness I'll ever regain

I wish I could let go of this pretentious hate,

I am lost in this darkness, I fear it's too late.

The wounds of your betrayal still aghast,

Leaving me feeling so lonely and lost.

So I'll continue to show my cold side,

Even though inside, my feelings collide.

- Vrushu

If Only I Knew

Untimely cry seems like has become a part of my every day chore;

These uninvited tears seem to have found its home beneath my eyes.

Heart fills with too much pain, the reason for which hides deep within my soul.

Mind seems to have become too engrossed in thoughts that have no visuals;

That have no story.

I pass days and nights without once realizing I have gone way quieter from within to hear the noise of my silence.

I long to become stronger to escape the burns of my tears;

And with this determination I create more space within me to store unhappiness.

I foolishly presume my rudeness to be numbness

And with this delusion I push myself more into the ‘zero’ state – where nothing exists.

Your laughter echoed in the empty chambers of my heart

Filling the void with warmth and light.

But now, all I hear are the pieces of my broken heart.

Reverberating within me, tearing me apart.

I try to hold on to fragments of being loved by you last, 

Clutching at moments like fragile glass,

But when did they slip through my fingers like sand? 

Leaving behind only shards of pain.

I wander through the corridors of my mind

Searching for solace, searching for peace.

But all I find are echoes of the past

Whispering of dreams never meant to be. 

There's hope when loving someone becomes at least a memory,

Hope that memories fade with time. 

By loving me you gave birth to me 

Knowing alas that my soul came back to me.

Every moment with you can never become a memory,

Every beautiful moment was a different experience at happiness I would never feel

I didn't know being loved by you was to be so short-lived. 

If only I knew before I would have loved you more, 

If only I knew this was to be my last chance at love indeed. 

My last chance to be truly happy in this very short lifetime. 

- Vrushu

Final Blow

There once was a love so deep and true

I forgave you, no matter what you'd do

Betrayal after betrayal, my heart torn in two

But my love for you, only grew

I gave you all of me, every part

I was loyal and honest, right from the start

I never lied, never strayed

Yet you say your love for me decayed

You tell me, you've stopped loving me

But how can that be, can't you see?

That my love for you will never die

Even if it brings tears to my eye

You promise to tell me if you love someone else,

For you my love I have sacrificed my life, my health.

With those words, my heart, my soul crushed

By the thought of you with another, my love hushed

I've given everything, my heart and soul

Yet you say you no longer feel whole

With me, the one who has loved you so

How can you just let our love go?

So tell me, my love, why did you stray

What did I do, what did I say

To make you stop loving me, to make you go

And after all this you still gave my heart that one final blow. 

I know the pain will never fade

But my love for you will never be swayed

I will love you until my death 

Knowing you will not love me even in my last breath. 

Tainted Melodies

From the moment the alarm rang today,

It's that song that once again plays in my head,

A haunting melody that won't go away,

I shut my ears tight, filled with dread.

The voice, the words, they won't cease,

The chorus echoing in my mind,

A relentless cycle that won't release,

Leaving me lost and confined.

I try to focus on my studies,

But the song has now taken root,

Its symphony weaving through my memories,

A constant reminder of a love that's moot.

Five hours pass in a blur,

I take a break to clear my head,

But the song grows louder, a sinister purr,

I yell out, "It's not meant for me," filled with dread.

There's no anger, no resentment,

Just a numbness that settles in,

Every moment, a constant reminder,

Of a love that was never meant to begin.

Each time I yell, "Stop," it's a plea,

To silence the deceitful tune,

I realize now the difference,

That deceit is different from being smoothly fooled,

The heart, filled with innocence,

Kept loving, unaware of being schooled.

So now the heart wears pain,

The mind in disbelief from the lesson learned,

All it knows to never trust and love again,

Because the heart has now burned and dead. 

Written by Vrushali Deshpande 

I am Sorry, I am leaving soon

Leaving soon

Take me to the rooftop

I wanna see the world when I stop breathing

Turning blue

Tell me, love is endless, don't be so pretentious

Leave me, like you do (like you do)

If you need me

Wanna see me

Better hurry

'Cause I'm leaving soon

Sorry, can't save me now

Sorry, I don't know how

Sorry, there's no way out (sorry)

But down, mm down

Taste me, the salty tears on my cheek

That's what a year-long headache does to you

I'm not okay, I feel so scattered

Don't say I'm all that matters

Leave me

Deja vu

If you need me

Wanna see me

You better hurry

I'm leaving soon

Sorry, can't save me now

Sorry, I don't know how (sorry)

Sorry, there's no way out (sorry)

But down, mm down

Call my friends and tell

Them that I love them

And I'll miss them

But I'm not sorry

Call my friends and tell them that I love them

And I'll miss them

Sorry