Suffocation starts to build up when for the whole of your life you have curbed your desires and have set a rule for each of them. Every time I let my feeling out, I think more of the consequence than the desire; every time I wish to set my soul free, I am assured my conscience would not let me survive in peace the next day. Sometimes I wonder if what keeps us away from expressing our feeling is conscience or values and the time I use the word ‘values’, I feel I am taking support of few words most Indians use when they do not have an answer to the situation and end up backing it up in the name of Indian culture.
Sometimes I wonder what is so wrong in getting just attracted to someone and feeling the moment; sometimes I ponder if every time I curb it, am I doing it purely for myself or am I too scared to be answerable to anyone in future. Some times I think if I am doing it to save my self from any guilt the next day and choose to be in peace or if I am saving it for ‘the one’ who is meant to be. The more I think, the more I become alien to the situation.
Love is important and no attraction can prolong without love being into it; to love means to give great amount of your ‘self’ to ‘the one’. I do not express myself before people because I do not want them to know the ways they can hurt me. The more I become mysterious to them, the more they try to read me.
I have had ample of words, and a variety of combinations of these words that have helped me to express my emotions. Today I have gone too deep in my emotions that I feel words do not justify them anymore; that they do not bring forward the exact feeling I go through.
Today I have reached a stage where I fall short of words to even explain things to myself.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
