This void that I feel in every moment of my being is filled just a little by someone. These screams that mute the conversations in my mind is intensely painful than the commotion of my thoughts itself.
For seven years, I found comfort in separating my soul from my body because I couldn't bear to accept even the vibration of love and care. The self I allowed to be somehow feels betrayed now because loneliness, detachment and being ascetic was my eternal vow to the person.
I am in the fear of regretting it because I am afraid the only thing left, that is my emptiness, will not accept me later based on the excuse of regret.
I am on the edge of darkness, no more afraid to fall but troubled with the feeling of possible pain. As tears roll down, I fail to realise the reason behind this piercing in my heart. With that someone, all of it disappears and the aches begin yet again in their absence.
It's surreal to receive love because for once I don't doubt it's purity. And because it is surreal, I am afraid that even my loneliness won't accept me again for betraying it once.
I am mentally exhausted waiting for answers despite being certain of what harm it will do to me. Not self harm but lost in a world I can never come back from.
I am tired smiling even when the person makes me happy from within but with each smile, I doubt it's longetivity and all that I feel creeps in back again.
I could only hope this person resided within me to make completeness my absolute permanence. But then again, it's surreal, isn't it?
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