If Only I Knew

Untimely cry seems like has become a part of my every day chore;

These uninvited tears seem to have found its home beneath my eyes.

Heart fills with too much pain, the reason for which hides deep within my soul.

Mind seems to have become too engrossed in thoughts that have no visuals;

That have no story.

I pass days and nights without once realizing I have gone way quieter from within to hear the noise of my silence.

I long to become stronger to escape the burns of my tears;

And with this determination I create more space within me to store unhappiness.

I foolishly presume my rudeness to be numbness

And with this delusion I push myself more into the ‘zero’ state – where nothing exists.

Your laughter echoed in the empty chambers of my heart

Filling the void with warmth and light.

But now, all I hear are the pieces of my broken heart.

Reverberating within me, tearing me apart.

I try to hold on to fragments of being loved by you last, 

Clutching at moments like fragile glass,

But when did they slip through my fingers like sand? 

Leaving behind only shards of pain.

I wander through the corridors of my mind

Searching for solace, searching for peace.

But all I find are echoes of the past

Whispering of dreams never meant to be. 

There's hope when loving someone becomes at least a memory,

Hope that memories fade with time. 

By loving me you gave birth to me 

Knowing alas that my soul came back to me.

Every moment with you can never become a memory,

Every beautiful moment was a different experience at happiness I would never feel

I didn't know being loved by you was to be so short-lived. 

If only I knew before I would have loved you more, 

If only I knew this was to be my last chance at love indeed. 

My last chance to be truly happy in this very short lifetime. 

- Vrushu