I have been walking on the road in the night for the longest time and none accompanied me for long in this journey. After a while, saw a companion and despite being dark, the brightness and aura of the person was evident.
I accompanied her where she took me and she enlightened me of the world outside where everyday sun shines. I knew from her that emotions are also reciprocated and I got it all I could ask for. She became my best friend who taught me lot of emotions; which I had not shown for long but she showed in her reciprocation towards me what friendship is all about.
I always knew the brightened up world for me is just for sometime and amid the journey I would feel a mismatch. I told her, back there is materialism and its too dark; this world of yours has too much love, care and unconditional friendship.
But I had to go back to my world; I was thrown back there without much option left with me. My best friend followed and she learnt some bitter truths of this world; bad people including my changing face, shrewd ones, materialism. I went into the company of the same people because of no choice and in the process lost my best friend due to utter state of confusion to be what I should be - the girl I was in that brightened up world or the one where I was born amidst the darkness?
I let my best friend go or she would have been lost in the darkness too with me. This was not no sacrifice. This was pure selfishness of me. I was tired fighting with the world I was born and I realized my best friend should not anymore be a victim of my instability.
Years passed and as I still walked alone on the road, I found a person walking on the road from behind me - it was already too dark and so was the person; I could barely see his real face and while I saw him coming towards me, I realized I found a companion.
We walked together and he would tell me everyday how there is a tunnel right there and the light throwing from there. I was ecstatic, waiting to continue this journey with him and reach the end of the tunnel. The journey was long enough and I spoke with him at length, first time feeling I am no more alone forever.
I dreamt and lived at the same time with him. I was convinced this is love. Often he wouldn't talk and I would ask for the same love and care and he would pretend to be deaf and dumb. He overtakes me eventually and starts walking ahead of me; I keep calling his name, shout for him to take care of me and love me as he showed once.
He leaves and goes far enough for me to never see him anymore. Today I still walk alone with no expectation. He was a dark image but I could see his structure. Today I do not even have that dark image which once filled my void.
Today I walk on the pitch dark road, stumble in between , break my leg but no hand to offer me support. I see him from a distance and he looks back at me; how I desperately gather myself to come back to my feet, fall over and over but he keeps standing there, now ignoring me completely.
I now walk with no destination and I'm alone. Its pitch dark and I can't see anything at all yet I carry on blindly and aimlessly. I cry tremendously and then I stop wondering what is the point? Then I stop crying and then over a few days again I want to cry it all out again.
Still walking and waiting for the finish line, if there is any!
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
P:S I have become imaginative ;)
