Random thought

I have had a series of not-so-good days when mind could not function as per the civilized standards and the word ‘logic’ was thrown out of my dictionary. Some part of the day’s life screwed me and the latter part of it is screwed by me because of my incapability to handle the former. Journey from ‘inexperienced’ to ‘experienced’ was more than just the puddle of ‘to’ amidst the two bridges of experience.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande

When Life was not so Serious..!

I long for the time when tension only meant fear of examination;
When love meant a weird tickle in your stomach, dried throat and cold hands;
I miss the time when cheating only meant copying in examinations.
I wonder thinking of the time when lying only meant hiding from your parents your meet with your boyfriend.
Today words remain the same, but meanings have changed.

I seem to be remembering the day when success meant getting a good score;
When politics never had any role to play and its existence never in the mind
I cry thinking of the times when happiness meant a surprise gift from parents
When having a big laugh did not leave you thinking if you are going to cry the next moment.
I smile remembering the day when extent of laughter meant rolling on the ground.
Today words remain the same, but feelings have changed

I do not know who have changed these meanings; who have altered these feelings.
I do not know when life became so serious that happiness had to be compromised.
I envy the person 10-15 years younger to me who is still living this life
Today the world is still the same, but I have changed.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande

Power of silence

This strong storming force of silence fills me with aloneness and the sound of its gloominess takes me to an alien world from where I can never return. The sound of this silence is so audible to my deaf ears that I can no more hear the shouts of the past and I dig more into the hollowness of nothingness. The resonance of my breathing wakes me up from my silence and I regret this act of respiration that keeps me alive.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande

Shadow of Loneliness

Loneliness has found its new meaning in this dark shadow of my life and I walk past it naïve and numb no more escaping it. The rays in the morning blind me and I collapse defeated going down on my knees begging before the sun to spare me for once. Life finds its new meaning when night brings my soul closer to life and morning attempts to deplete its being. Life loses its meaning when I feel that even night is no more with me and I walk away from it betrayed and deceived.

Tragedies become joke when people you love give a deaf ear to your cry and so I have ample of reasons to smile and a lot more to laugh. The day seems longer when sleep evades me in the night and I have more hours to stare at the black screen. There is nothing I think; there is no one I imagine; there is no color to my thoughtless world.

Life is disappointed with me and it decides to no more communicate with me. I bring my soul so closer to the human world that it decides to disconnect with me. The human in me degrades my conscience to the extent that it decides to never come to consciousness. And I with all my impurity detach myself from the human world where people were friends, friends were family and family my companions for life.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande

Tell me !

Unknown hidden pain troubles me everyday
I crave to explore the reason of its being
This restless feeling gushes within me
And I beg to the invisible to set me free

I experience this ever increasing void
As I shout louder to him, ‘I love you’
Tell me if it’s something I am missing
Tell me if it’s someone I am missing

‘Being me’ with him makes me feel I am no more myself
It’s my ‘Self’ I do not recognize;
It’s my soul I disconnect with
I experience this wave of loneliness coming towards me
As I cry of past with a strong face pleading before him to hear me out!

I had lame parties and companions who I called friends
I had fatal cocktails and loud music to shun me from the world
Today I give him all my time
Today I surrender the entire ‘Self’ to him
Yet I experience this feeling of defeat
As I crave to share the world I ran away from
Tell me if it’s something I am missing
Tell me if it’s someone I am missing

Love meant everything to me
It is something I awaited for 26 years
Today it comes to me at its extreme
Today I experience care like I was never cared before
Yet I experience this feeling of incompleteness
As I hug him with all the emotions
Tell me if it’s something I am missing
Tell me if it’s someone I am missing

Written by Vrushali Deshpande

Who are you ?

I had made one friend few years back,
I knew it was 'happiness' that she lacked.
She wanted to shout so loud that no one could hear,
She wanted a friend, who can be so dear.

Her every letter which formed a word was crying.
Her fictitious smile which she carried was dying.
The innocence was felt all the time
She asked me "Tell me, wont I ever smile?”

I taught her to be brave and strong,
and improvise on everything that went wrong.
26 years passed, now she has no more tears.
Looking at her blank expressions, I asked with fear,
“What have you done to yourself?”
She said “You asked me to smile, so someone taught me to pretend,
You told never to depend
so, i just couldn’t make even 1 friend.

I asked her "Do you think you are living this life?"
She said "Yes, i am breathing this air which is cutting me like a knife.
She said, "I always tried playing your role",
I smiled and asked her, "Who are you?"
She said "Oh, I forgot to tell you, I am your soul "

Written by: Vrushali Deshpande

Oktober Fest: A place where you can be YOU

Isn’t it funny when you see a huge crowd walking towards you as if they are deluded and surprisingly you do not fear that at all?

Isn’t it funny when you have a friendly banter with people who are complete strangers to you?

Welcome to the world of Oktober Fest held in Germany.

It did make me feel for a moment that my positional vertigo is back – Eh! Vertigo is an illusion of motion when the world around you spins due to some silly fluid movement in your ear. In Oktober fest, you would not see a single individual who can walk straight – quite obviously because it’s a beer festival and people are too high to walk on a straight line. Big fat ladies in their most revealing outfit serve you a huge mug (1 liter) of beer and while she serves you, she finishes a couple of them on her own as well.

It was hilarious and yet wonderful to see so many people happy and enjoy at the same time; it was fun to see people collapsing on each other yet with no indecent intention of pushing someone on purpose. It was surprising to talk to some Bavarians for hours and realize their extreme hunger to experience self –awareness and spirituality.

Wouldn’t you find it strange when you meet some people just like you, but all they do not know is the way to awaken spirit of introspection and train their conscience with deeper understanding of self?

Oktober fest is all about letting your trained mind over the years relax for few hours; when you do not anymore want to pretend; when you act what you feel and say what you think with no fear of being reciprocated in an evaluate manner.

A must visit once in your life!

Written by Vrushali Deshpande