Best part about a relationship is when you live more than one relationship with the person. He is your friend, lover and most importantly, a companion for life. The ugly part of a bad break-up is that you have to release knots of all the relationships you have with him. Disregarding a lover is easier than breaking ties with a best friend in him; not thinking about a best friend is relatively easier than letting go your companion, who always walked beside you even in silence.
Betrayal is no easy to handle when you are in a relationship, but when someone betrays you while breaking up with you, the meaning of ‘trust’ immediately alters.
I am no good human as I was earlier and despite my attempts to be better as a human, I fail miserably. I have wronged some people knowingly, unknowingly and life has its way of giving it back to you. When pain becomes too much, acceptance creeps in.
Someone said to me yesterday, “You underestimate yourself too much as a person and you should know it is not always your fault, but your reaction to the ugly situation you are compelled to face”. I do not know if that is correct. My conscience is my good friend as well as my worst enemy. It criticizes me severely instead of understanding why I reacted the way I did, and yet it has saved me from the worse by not letting me become revengeful in life despite the ugliness.
You learn from a bad relationship in every phase and it ends up changing you as a person somewhere. It complicates your life more when you regret getting changed and find no way of becoming what you were. Phase changes, age grows, experience increases and you cannot anymore be what you were before. When the face of ‘earlier you’ is beautiful and the ‘present you’ is unsatisfactory, ugly, you are stuck in between. Conscience! – has a way of sucking into you!
In so many years, this would be the first time when from my heart I genuinely remember those people I have hurt severely. It has never been with wrong intentions, but it happened purely out of the circumstance. Yet circumstance is no way and reason to shy away from your mistakes and I realize where I went wrong.
I am sure most of them would not be reading this, but if at all at any point in life they do when I am not around, they ought to know I am sorry!
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
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