I wake up every morning checking my cell phone and I lay on
the bed with the phone beside me. I found that I built an attachment with
something which has no life. In today’s day and age of medical science a lot of
our actions and reactions have a psychiatric terminology. They say that people who
get stressed when they are unable to use their cell phone are
termed as nomophobics.
I find myself switching off this phone often
and I am surprised to sense peace. I do
not anymore feel bogged down with messages that no more are SMSes but are substitutes
of internet chats. I only and only want to spend some bit of that time quietly on
a weekend which comes to me like a favor after keeping my mind mentally
occupied for 5 days.
I am at that point in life where I am not
looking for companionship of any kind. Let’s just say I am not ready to make my
heart and mind go through the same torturous episode which end up being the
same every time I give life another chance. I am not complacent; I am only
scared to hurt myself again. It is not always easy to pull yourself out of it
and instill positive thoughts.
Despite this decision, I find myself feeling
low every time I notice people in love. My inner voice speaks for once and
tells me “Love does exist”. Not all men
cheat their partner. Not all men retain a shallow hollow relationship with a
face that lives somewhere far away and choose to lose the one who truly loved
them. Not all men disrespect the bond called “Partners for life” which is
termed as a marriage institution. But you chose to call it off. You chose to
reprimand me for being with you despite your infidelity.
What Karma can I tell you of? I am one big
sinner in this life of 28 years and every time I switch on the news channel, I realize
my sin must not be so big as I think it is. Pity! I need not compare the bad
with the evil to defend my wrong doings.
I am at that stage of life where I cannot
trust a man enough to surrender my emotions to him.
I am at that stage of life where I am tired of any kind of companionship, be it even with my phone.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
