I seek for noise in a pub than music hoping it will tranquilize my mind and I will be alas in a thoughtless state. I seek for darkness in the ambience than any light wanting to be lost in a place that cannot show me any way for one day. Spirit does not calm my nerves; larger circle of so called friends does not help me distract. I realize that at the end of the day, I am so lost in the thoughtless world that I only accumulate more emptiness within me. It is this moment that I ask, "What is that one thing that I do which truly makes me happy?". This is exactly the time when I can best describe what going blank is really about.
These hopeless hang outs only indicate escapism; and this escapism is something towards I still proclaim I am not aware of.
Someone who knows me in person went through this blog and he was amazed at my writing style. While he perceived me to be an extremely positive person which stands true in every sense, he wondered why the blend of such words on my blog.
I once again did not have an answer to his question and tried to close the topic by adding words that logically made no sense to me.
I live my life so consciously that I am in complete realization of my action, reaction and the decision that goes behind it. I would be the biggest liar if I say life has been cruel to me. While I know things around me are fine, there still is a void that keeps eating me from inside. Quest for this goes on!
Often in life we try hard to forget a tragic incident or a person whose memories will give us no happiness. In this trial, we consciously let the thing go; it however remains stored somewhere in our subconscious mind. Later in life you experience a strange vacuum within you and you cannot help but wonder what is it really that you are running away from.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
