Sometimes you explore the most pure emotions within you in an age when every one around you is waiting to tell you how momentary they are. While I was too busy in believing their words, I never realized when these emotions chose to be a part of me and one fine day decided to get out of me leaving me completely changed. It was the day when you came into my life; it was the time when we thought we are in love.
I knew you before I even knew of emotions like love or hatred; I knew you before I even understood the difference between right and wrong; I knew you before I even knew myself. Sometimes when you know someone too well, it becomes difficult for you to pretend before them that you are buying their lie; it becomes difficult to pretend you don’t know what they are doing. It was the day when you silently decided to fall in love with someone else.
Sometimes you are so much in love that you choose to give them their time to explore what they really want and let yourself watch this in silence, gulping every tear that leaves you suffocated. It did not break me when you hid her from me; it broke me when she aggressively revealed her existence in your life to me. It was the day when you chose to not believe me.
Sometimes you go so quiet that you detach your conscience from speaking to you. You are most alone not when people go from your life; you are alone when you deny talking to yourself.
I have seen you change from teenage to adolescence and from adolescence to adulthood; you grew up with me and no one can know us better. It was the day when you wanted to be my friend once again.
Sometimes you disbelieve so much in feelings which on one hand make you to feel its love and on the other hand forces you to think it is infatuation. Sometimes you choose to never feel anything even remotely close to it that you even disregard the slight hope of love entering in your life. It was the day when work helped me to ignore you.
When the more I did not want to see you; the more you tried getting back to me. When the more I chose to hid those strong emotions within me, the more you saw it through me. Sometimes they know you so well that you cannot pretend you do not love them anymore. It was the day when you found out I still love you. It was the day when you forced me to meet you.
Sometimes you become too busy finding your ways to avoid facing someone you love the most. I did not take your call for the whole day; I did not answer your messages for the forthcoming days. I realized my feelings for you grew stronger with each coming day and I could not anymore wear the mask. It was the day when I got a call from a friend saying you have left me forever.
Seeing you lie in front of me with your eyes closed, I wondered if you would ever get up and make me believe it is a prank; if you would ever tell me it was just your way to get me to meet you. The more close I got to you; the more I tried to absorb the fragrance of your body; recaping every little memory that went with you - from your silly attempts of building a car out of the sand on the shore to the funny faces you made just to make me smile.
As I sat down I waited for my one last hope that you will now get up. I touched your feet and it made realize that this is the last time I am touching you.
Sometimes you explore the most profound emotions within you in an age when you never believe it can ever be a part of you. While I was too busy in protecting myself from getting hurt, I never realized that this very act will leave me hurt forever.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
