A New Day !

Today I had a great Sunday because I spoke with the wall in my room; I spoke with the lights, I spoke with the furniture and they all chose to listen to me patiently. They did not ridicule me when I cried before them; they did not complain that they are bored listening to me. Most importantly they did not sleep while I was talking to them. Today I realized I could always be friends with all of these and for my lifetime I ignored their presence around me. They heard me shouting in pain every time someone broke my heart; they saw me crying every time my soul wanted to come out from me. They saw me grow up, they saw me change.

Today I had a great Sunday because for the first time in my life I felt I had no expectation from a human.

You cannot show me how to love !

Despite the attempts of making a relationship work, sometimes you vent out a concealed complaint and ruin this conscious effort. It is true one can give up the bad habits; one can alter a wrong behavior to improvise, but one cannot learn how to love. Love is the only feeling that comes from within and cannot be manipulated. You can tell someone where they go wrong; you can tell them what hurts you, bothers you, but you cannot tell them how to love you.

Reciprocation in form of prolonged numbness to your expectations creates a deep void within you and you feel more helpless than incomplete. Bizarre a relationship becomes when you realize you are not letting a person love you the way he wants to love you. Despite the wisdom and maturity you occasionally attempt to understand his way of loving you, you realize his ways are more a result of conscious effort and misses a great deal of natural reaction.

There would not be a conscious effort to make things work if there was no love. I know the love prevails, and guess a time comes when you have to just accept that everyone have their ways to love you. The age old forwards carried for a long time a line which stands true and while I did not understand its relevance as a teenager, I do now– “Just because someone does not love you the way you want them to, does not mean they do not love you at all with all they have”

Written by Vrushali Deshpande

Strange Voyager

All my life I was too busy either searching for love or finding ways to give love and amidst this search, I experienced too many reactions, emotions; some within me, some from other people. Sum it up for a longer duration, my mind was not really as healthy as it should have been and I must say I pushed smile away from me for a lot of days in my life.

Amidst my run in the dense jungle of love relationships, I found a voyager who was walking on the same path as I was and we happen to smile at each other for absolute no reason. That was the first time I understood that we do not always need ‘love’ to make us smile; sometimes two strangers walking aside each other can have some wordless thoughts to communicate. I understood, there are relationships beyond love and friendship.

Isn’t it funny how some people feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts with someone they have not met in person? Quite frankly, it is always better to puke out thoughts before someone who has no preconceived notions about us; who has not seen us for them to ‘create or not create’ any impression on us. Most of the times, looks influence the way people behave with us; so does money!

Strange how despite the desperation to seek natural emotions like love and care, how we all at point of time, for even a nanasecond are influenced by the greed of materialism.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande

Dangers of honesty

Lost in the traces of intolerable pain, I gasp every moment to make myself believe I am alive.
‘Honesty’ as people once said is my strength, I regret their saying!
This genuineness of my heart tortures me in different ways in this human world
And with every moment of my truth, I lose one more bit within me

There are far more dangers to truth and I realized it until I saw the ease people are at when they lie.
Today I am a prisoner of life and my crime is that I say the truth
I can be a changed person, but then I would not know how to love
I can choose not to love, but then I would be just a machine who can walk, talk and remember.

Lost in the traces of their doing, I gasp to make myself believe I can yet take the pain
‘Love’ as people said is what I do most beautifully; today I regret their saying!
I cannot hear the shouts of my cry; it tells me I have no happiness left within
I cannot bear the pain in my heart; it tells me I am still madly in love

There are far more dangers of being in love and I realized it until I saw losing myself
I was a selfish girl and by error I loved someone more than me
Today I am a prisoner of pain, and my crime is I told him I am incomplete without him

‘Honesty’ I say is the weakness in me, as it alienates me more from people who look like me

Written by Vrushali Deshpande

The Ink in my heart

The ink in my heart has finished alas and the thoughts that reside within find no place to escape. I write words which are nothing but a combination of English alphabets and I am glad that the typing on the keyboard is one way to expel the nothingness within me. The sound of the keys tells me there is voice to my emptiness and I am not entirely alone; there is something I hear, there is something I touch.

Each day as I resolute to trust you again, I relive your betrayal every night in form of nightmares. Today I am so disturbed that as I open my eyes in fear, I fail to make out truth from nightmare.

Your every day lie and manipulation of truth has kept me one step away from the valley of insanity. I am on the cliff of madness and I fear an untimely push from the new born wordless girl within me.

Every time you touch my cheeks to force a smile on my face, I am assured the extremity of this pain has made my tears so crazy that today it has learnt to smile in madness.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande