Betrayal - In a Relationship of 'TRUST'

Sometimes you are betrayed so many times by one person who you truly loved that you stop to have faith in your ability to judge and love the right people. Listen to your inner voice and it will show you the way always; never ignore the call of your conscience.

Sometimes someone gives you pain so repetitively that at the end of it when he or she shocks you with utmost betrayal you have nothing more than silence to give to yourself. Never be numb to pain; be human and it is all right if it happens, they are just human beings out there who have the ability unfortunately to love you and then hurt you.

Sometimes you are well aware of the games that people play, yet you do not have the stamina to fight or react, you do not have the attitude to take revenge and fight for what you feel.

Cheating you for someone else is no betrayal; today I learnt its meaning in its entirety. That is infidelity.

Hundred’s would make fun of your experience; some would gossip, some would smirk and laugh it aloud. Today nothing affects me.

It is not what others do to you that affects you; it is what you did to yourself for believing once again in a wrong person that affects you.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande
P:S Learn & Grow. Don't leap & Fall

My Insecure Generation

Smallest decision taken can lead to become the biggest mistake of your life. Letting someone walk into your life, without knowing the consequence in the future, is what we endanger ourselves into. Today, there are too many heart breaks because of easily available means like internet and mobile phone. The more approachable and reachable a person is, the more one vents out his or her frustration instantaneously. Words are no more carefully chosen; today words are abused and the impact is lived and experienced by a human. It does not surprise me then why relationships or affairs do not last these days.

Taking responsibility for your action is important, and people take them in their own way. Some realize they erred and apologize from heart instead of keeping a big ego. Not taking responsibility is running away from it, avoiding talking, getting annoyed and frustrated and wanting to change the topic because you are too incapable to deal with the situation in hand.

The more secure our generation seems, the more insecure we are from within; fighting for our job, our place at work; having the fear of not losing the one we love and yet giving that space. The more strong our generations seems to be, the more weak and sensitive it is from within and sometimes you reach that threshold and you just want to let it all go. Why let someone or something bring you to its threshold?

The more materialistic we have become, the more we are ready to sacrifice our self respect. We are trading respect for materialism and security? Where are we leading really? and are we truly happy despite the money into the account at the end of the month?

Written by Vrushali Deshpande
P:S Time for the KBC of LIFE :P

Lie to all the people you meet and tell them you're okay

Take in all those breaths That seems to get you through the day
Lie to all the people you meet and tell them you're okay

Try to walk around with your head held high - What would they say? If they see me cry!
Always say your fine when you smile to your friend because you have got the problems none of them can mend

Wait till late at night to watch the flowing tears
Close your eyes tight to make it stop, say a prayer and hope someone hears

Stare out the window Find peace in the sky
Keep your thoughts to yourself somewhere there deep inside

Look at the normal people Who pass you by?
There so happy and content And you want to know why

Go back to your room where you’re always alone
Watch the lights go down Because no ones home

Pull up your knees tight into your chest
Close your eyes gently and try to rest

Wish for something better Or for someone to see the tears down your face the marks that make it bleed

Open your eyes Stand up and be strong because what would the people say If they knew something was wrong

Take in all those breaths that seems to get you through the day
Lie to all the people you meet And tell them you're okay

Today's Fairy Tale: Glimpse into reality

Long lived the fairy tale in the heart of a juvenile girl who learnt to believe with time, love is the foundation of every joy and hardship. With faith and willpower, one can still climb the ladder of success, but amidst the struggle, if love chooses to leave, disappointment creeps in, but that in no way shall adhere the determination to carry on and come out strong.

The story told to me by my ‘self’ must be a little or very different than what other girls must have heard of, but in any way, we both are sailing in the same boat which is sinking.

We both are walking in the dark tunnel and a stranger boy decides to walk with us, giving us support and showing us the ‘bright light’ at the end of it. He teaches us about hope, never giving up and you remove your shield and tell him that you are finally trusting someone after a long time.

The journey with him despite the dark tunnel seems beautiful; love is all that matters. The journey seems everlasting and just a few hours ago before we met him, we were desperate to see the bright light of hope, and now that he is with us, we never want the walk to end.

You would love to see the wonders with him after reaching the destination, but a fear of people changing always grips in.

“I trust you alas! after the longest time”, We say. “I will never break it, I will never disappoint you”. probably a line said and heard many a times.

All my life, I have been aware of people around me and I would walk with my shield on; sometimes talking joyfully with people I do not even know and not talking to people I see almost every day. Isn't it always best to avoid showing people what you are, especially the people who are associated to you professionally?

When I give, I give it all. When I love, I love it all. When I say I trust you, it is all the trust and I might know to control work, politics or people who matter less to me, but I do not know to keep a tab on how much love I give. Over a period of time, it has become both my boon and bane. What makes it either of it depends on the kind of person I have met.

Today when I walk with this boy who is no more a stranger to me, I face hurdles on the way and I have no shoulder to support on, no hand I can hold, because it seems he has got tired walking all that long 'with me'. I offer him my hand, my shoulder, which he denies. Isn't love about being there for each other, supporting each other, standing by each other? All being said, he simply does not need your affection anymore and despite your attempts to make him share, he shows reluctance. Love in this scenario reminds you of what you are; that you are strong and independent and you can self depend on yourself.

Love sometimes for some people seem to be more about mood of the time, than a feeling which the heart beholds. Probably this is not love, but I am no expert in this field to tell someone "you do not know how to love", and if I have in anger, I have been wrong.

He made me believe that the bright light was hope all this time, but as I approached it, I found it was a bright headlight of a train running towards me. Probably, that was my destination and he only accompanied me for a while to make me smile and cry for few hours. He later headed backwards without bidding good-bye and amidst the darkness, I could not find him anywhere. I was unfortunate enough to have not found his footprints.

Despite the disbelief, mistrust and bad experiences, if you are a strong person, someone deep within you is always telling you, “all are not the same”. There is no point to living life if there is no hope. It is important to remember that never love someone so much that you lose the ability to control yourself. Never be a puppet to someone; make your own decisions and respect the other person’s decisions. In a relationship, it is not so much about love or adjustment; it is all about respect that you have for each other.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande
P:S Who said only mythology has stories written?

In search of ME

I told him, “Aloneness is frustrating me”. He asked, “but wasn’t aloneness always your choice?”
I said yes, because I did not want anyone else to be around me except him and there came a point when he stayed and yet I felt aloneness. It was only then I realized, I was missing nonetheless than me, myself.

I told him, “I used to have fun with myself”. He asked me, “fun in what way?” I said, sometimes you just cannot explain, sometimes you just cannot understand.

Life is beautiful. I once had the mind to understand it, I once had the heart to feel it, I once had the soul to realize it is life. Today I do not feel my mind, my heart and my soul. These are just not words. I don’t find a better way of putting it. I am on the edge of a valley, waiting to be pushed by someone I am unable to find. I am in search of me.

Silence Within

Love is a word which is most used by human beings, meant by a very few and felt by hardly anyone, yet the usage continues. Trust, in the same scenario, is the most brutally raped word. I would defy if it is said that most people cheat because they enjoy doing so. Often the most honest, dedicated and a loyal person with a conscience difficult to shudder, end up becoming someone they never believed they could be. It is not the question then, if the person is good or bad now; it is the answer, that this person is no more the same, the way she had groomed herself to be since birth; very logically, this person no more exists, but is yet breathing, and so is still alive.

I often used words like silence, suffocation, pain and suffering in my write-ups, but when all of these reach a point where nothingness exist, you truly become silent towards people who caused this to you and whom you once gave all the love. Why love someone so much that in the whole process, you lose yourself? Who did you speak and share maximum with? – It is you, yourself. Isn’t it then obvious, you are your best friend, you are your true life partner; why then when we love, we care more for the other than ourselves? Caring is good, but not the cost of being humiliated and disrespected each day for the love you are giving; not at the cost of being taken for granted for every adjustment you are trying to make and definitely not for being trusted for every tolerance.

Tears at one point do not make you feel better; jokes do not make you laugh and hugs do not anymore comfort you. Deep down, you are struggling to take back your self-respect from the person, who did not just demean your respect, but kicked right on your face and told you “for all these years that you lived, you were a shame”
Such people will come and go in your life; probably you will even end up changing completely; probably you will for some time stop talking to yourself, but with determination and willpower, you will find your strength back and realize that no jerk who one day decided to walk into your life, could pass a judgment on the life that you lived so far.

All this stands true and holds meaning, if you know from within you are true to yourself more than being honest to others; if you were never the root cause behind all the mess up.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande

When they want you to CHANGE

Amidst the commotion, you ask yourself once every day, “Are you living happily?”It is bizarre when happiness = Good understanding parents + an ideal job + luxuries in life. It is bizarre when despite all of these; there still is a state of void. Should I call it expecting too much from life? Or this void is justifiable if the cause of this is the failure to find your ‘Self’.

Often they tell you to become a person who takes into consideration some bit of happiness of everyone around you; at least becoming someone who relatively keeps people around her at peace. The reason is simple, “You live with people”. I would buy that if you are an alcoholic, drug addict or you are too low on the scale of decency. Yes, you are expected to change then for your own good but never for anyone else.

But sometimes you are expected to change because you do not do any kind of drama and you disgust faking emotions; when you are the person who is clear in her head that black is black and white is white but people want you to call the black as white because they simply like that color.

Once in a while you get tired of everything. You get tired reasoning with them that it is the color black and not white, you get tired arguing, tired fighting, tired crying, tired staying quiet and you eventually succumb to the situation. By doing this you compromise one bit of yourself to content every new person and in all this, you completely lose yourself.

Amidst the commotion, you ask yourself once every day, “Are you living happily?” It is bizarre when happiness = Good understanding parents + an ideal job + luxuries in life.

It is bizarre when despite all of these, there still is a state of void because one fine day when you get up, you realize, you do not remember yourself anymore.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande