Last Conversation

I write after a very long time. Do you know it is true that every human gets that feeling just before it happens. Before everything in life finally stops. The relief after being suffocated..... is another life. I wanted to be needed. Being loved is a luxury. I am not like them. I am not you. I was true. I know it's so difficult to love me. How do i know? because no one can be worse than i am with myself. I am not even as useful as toilet paper. I cannot equate myself with trash because it too was once relevant before becoming irrelevant. I chose to never marry because my father said if it was him even he wouldn't have married me. I don't want to give a background because that will portray him negatively. I say to him he's right. I always wanted to be a mother. I am too scared to give life to a soul. I knew someone for over a decade. I knew myself for 42 years. I never ask WHY when people leave me. Because every single human has convinced me of my uselessness. I have nothing against anyone. It doesn't matter what anyone did. Be free to abuse me,blame me for everything. But don't walk into a broken person's life. Don't tell them they are a good soul. Don't tell them how kind they are for over a decade. Don't make them believe they are lovable. Why build hope and give them life. Didn't I always say I am a mistake? Vrush Vrushu Vrushi VD