Living for your 'SELF'

‘Life moves on’, as they say, stands true. Expectations from a relationship die eventually and you realise you are just wasting your life hoping for things to become better. I do not know if it is about accepting things as they are because my mind for a change does not want to think that deep. But it surely is about moving on to live your life.

We live our life trying to fulfill expectations of everyone around us and the time we decide to free ourselves a bit to fulfill our desires, we are often questioned and the whole journey of self fulfillment is ruined. It is bizarre, we were born alone, we surely had a purpose to turn into a human and not an insect, and yet we live more for everything around us than for ourselves.

They told us to be independent and make a living for yourself so that you can have a better life ahead. The words were so enforcing yet so practical that we joined in the race, almost eventually forgetting to live life.

Once in a while when enough has been earned, we find ways to relax ourselves by spending some portion of that money. A cinema, good food in a restaurant, some drinks in a good pub or lounge, a dance in a discotheque, a music concert, a play or a long drive in a good car – but yes, eventually, we have enough of that too.

With dawn and dusk, the race continues, the void creeps in and questions go on. “Are you living your life truly the way you wish in your heart and head?”, “Is this what you really wanted to do in life?”, “Do you really want to get married?”, “Are you really in love?”, “Do you want to live for yourself?”

It is no more about relationships; it is no more about what they expect from us and what we once expected from them. It is no more about tears of pain and laughter of momentary materialistic pleasures. It is just about 'YOU' and knowing that there is just one fact, that you are eventually going to die. Everything else around you can change any moment, but this fact stays true. Then the question remains, “From this one life that you had, have you lived enough to die in peace?”

Written by Vrushali Deshpande

In your memory

It scares me when I try to recall your memories and I realize the visuals are not clear before me. You tell me it is history now and that I should not cry, but yet the tears.

Sometimes I wonder how conveniently I stopped thinking about you and everything associated to you started going away from me, yet when its dusk, and night approaches me, I have these tears.

It scares me to imagine what if I forget the way you look and the way you were. I tell myself I do not think of you anymore and yet these tears.

"It happens! It happens!" You tell me so easily and I assure you that you are no more on my mind and that you are a history, but yet these tears.

Four years ago, you left me without giving me a call or messaging me and I wondered if there should have been a system of doing so before God took my special one away from me.

I tell God, you have been unfair to me because I really felt for you and today when I bluntly say you are dead, I yet have these tears.

I regret that a person never walked with me all my life for she could write how I lived my life. I laughed more than happiness ever holds any meaning; I cried more than heart can ever hold any pain; I gave more than humanity can be defined in any way; I danced to every tune of life and whether it be happy or sad, I enjoyed every move of my dance. I dived into the ocean of risks and learnt somethng new from life. The dive caused some bit of pain but the hurt was worth it. Today I stand right at the center of nowhere and nothing awaits for me; nothing runs on my mind; I'm called nothing and life was my past. I do not know if I'm dead or on my way to death. I'm anything but alive.