Being me !

Sometimes you are so used to being strong that you forget someone deep within you is feeling suffocated by your laughter. The time you realize the existence of that suffocation, every thing else around you starts to get messed up! The louder I laugh with all my honesty, the more the person within me suffocates. And I realize the pain it goes through when I cry from my heart.

Being vulnerable makes people take you for a ride, and being strong makes people think you are too practical. I realize this dilemma when I find no words to tell someone how I am. Most of the times my confusion messes it all and people tend to form an opinion completely new to me.

The more I feel 'words' help me to express myself, the more I experience having people who cannot understand them. The more people think of me to be intelligent, the more I feel they would not bear my heavy talks for long. The more I hear advices that I already know of, the more I feel I am making myself appear way too weak.

I am too habituated to expressing myself in a way which most of the people find creative or some intelligent combination of words. Every time someone thinks of me to be ‘Creative’ I feel I have lost the ability to sound and appear normal.

I do not display my creativity when I say what I feel; I am not writing any poetry when I express what deeply hurts me. But every time someone ‘Wow’s’ when I express, i am assured they saw the poet in me and not the girl in me.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande