I had a stroll on this road, this road which told me that I'm its only visitor tonight. My aimless walk and the never ending pathway signified that I have a long way to go all alone. These street lights, its reflection I see on this wet road, the breeze and how I feel its kiss on the skin of my body.
I flip my silky hair to calm my depressed nerves, I relax my hand in the side pockets of my sweat shirt and I feel the soft cotton caressing my palm.
The leaves of these dense dark trees fall beneath my eyes and they brush my eyes as I hopelessly look at the moon.
On the middle of this road a shadow follows me. I smile innocently at the loving attempts of this shadow which silently conveys that it does not wish to leave me alone. I fix my eyes ahead to continue this journey and I effortlessly notice the committed gesture of this shadow.
Yes! I'm falling in love all over again, but this time with my own shadow. I see you walking through me; I feel your support when I tumble backwards. I sense your soul growing in mine as it completely absorbs within me. I love myself as I express to love you.
I have a stroll on this dark wet road which once told me that I'm its only visitor. I smile, I laugh and with my eyes fixed ahead I continue this journey.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Journey of Life
Your footprints travel through the journey of life struggling to reach the destination you have set for yourself. The aim of your life is known in a better way to you than anyone else. This aim which I do not know if is your destination. Design of these prints change as you tumble & you hold these pebbles responsible for being an obstacle in your journey.
In this tiresome yet tireless journey of life we shake hands with many & there are others who are passer bys. Some enter our lives as friends & some truly remain as friends.
Some we call companions while some accompany us throughout our journey.
There are people who influence us positively & then they decide to leave us. While there are some who do not influence us in any way & still pointlessly stay in our lives.
A stranger you trust blindly & a friend whom you trust after unintentional analysis are both capable of wiping off the meaning of trust in our lives. We let our friends know ourselves by sharing what is deeply felt by us. We take the risk of telling other human beings what & how we really are.
Some take advantage of this innocent relationship & throw pebbles on our way. While some passer bys see us falling & offer us a helping hand. We thank them & we fall into a relationship again. There’s no escape to love, friendship & care. There’s no escape to relationships.
Essence of life is in meeting these people who touch our lives in their own ways. It is in thinking about the change they bring in us. Essence of life is in losing these people who cause pain to us in their own ways. It is in learning a lesson every time we fail in a relationship.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
In this tiresome yet tireless journey of life we shake hands with many & there are others who are passer bys. Some enter our lives as friends & some truly remain as friends.
Some we call companions while some accompany us throughout our journey.
There are people who influence us positively & then they decide to leave us. While there are some who do not influence us in any way & still pointlessly stay in our lives.
A stranger you trust blindly & a friend whom you trust after unintentional analysis are both capable of wiping off the meaning of trust in our lives. We let our friends know ourselves by sharing what is deeply felt by us. We take the risk of telling other human beings what & how we really are.
Some take advantage of this innocent relationship & throw pebbles on our way. While some passer bys see us falling & offer us a helping hand. We thank them & we fall into a relationship again. There’s no escape to love, friendship & care. There’s no escape to relationships.
Essence of life is in meeting these people who touch our lives in their own ways. It is in thinking about the change they bring in us. Essence of life is in losing these people who cause pain to us in their own ways. It is in learning a lesson every time we fail in a relationship.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Walked a girl once...
Walked a girl once in the crowd of observers;
Some said she is pricy, some said she is arrogant;
Yet none spoke to her to confirm their rumours
Dead expressions communicating coldness;
She is a girl who deserves absolutely no happiness
Tuesday she smiled at someone
She did it so sarcastically, confirms everyone
She is the leader, she is the doer
And undoubtedly, the first one to allure
She is the brain behind the game
You win it all if you know who to blame
Thursday you heard her shout so loud
Didn't you know that was just to attract the crowd?
Aren't these reasons enough to hate her?
Go ahead and tell me if there is more to talk on her
Walked a girl once in the crowd of observers,
Where every person failed to understand her
She needed no attention, she needed no authority,
She only wore a tough mask to deceive her reality
She talks to all yet smiles at none,
Notice how she isolates when people have fun
Saturday she smiled so fake,
Notice those eyes which fail to gape
Walked a girl once in the crowd of observers;
where everyday she wears the mask to confirm all rumours.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
Some said she is pricy, some said she is arrogant;
Yet none spoke to her to confirm their rumours
Dead expressions communicating coldness;
She is a girl who deserves absolutely no happiness
Tuesday she smiled at someone
She did it so sarcastically, confirms everyone
She is the leader, she is the doer
And undoubtedly, the first one to allure
She is the brain behind the game
You win it all if you know who to blame
Thursday you heard her shout so loud
Didn't you know that was just to attract the crowd?
Aren't these reasons enough to hate her?
Go ahead and tell me if there is more to talk on her
Walked a girl once in the crowd of observers,
Where every person failed to understand her
She needed no attention, she needed no authority,
She only wore a tough mask to deceive her reality
She talks to all yet smiles at none,
Notice how she isolates when people have fun
Saturday she smiled so fake,
Notice those eyes which fail to gape
Walked a girl once in the crowd of observers;
where everyday she wears the mask to confirm all rumours.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
On this bench sits a little girl.....
Dedicated to the victims
On this bench sits a little girl;
With hope in her eyes and questions about the world.
She looks left, she looks right;
She then frowns to find no one around her.
She violently pins some papers on the cardboard;
Bits and pieces of it which fly aimlessly on the road.
She rests the notepad on her lap;
This little heart pumps faster when the events recap.
Legs thump hard on the ground as she runs;
With voice muted and a dried throat she takes aimless turns.
The ghostly man follows her way throughout;
and with his uncomfortable touch, she painfully shouts.
Whom shall she go to? To whom shall she say?
when she sees her loved ones adoring him everyday.
She holds the pen hard and cries desperately to write;
Wordless she goes when she fails to express her plight.
Tears finally dried and face became expressionless;
Unsurprisingly, she is gripped by insecurity and loneliness.
Can she now survive in this world? Can she now take it all alone?
Past was repeated at every walk of life;
It did not surprise me when she first held the knife.
She looked left, she looked right;
She then frowned to have no one to care for her.
When devils wore the mask of friendship,
she killed her every little hope from relationships.
Whom does she have? For whom shall she live?
What can she say when her loved ones stopped to believe.
On this bench now sits a young girl;
With hope in her eyes and questions about the world.
She looks left, she looks right;
She then "smiles" to find no one around her.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
On this bench sits a little girl;
With hope in her eyes and questions about the world.
She looks left, she looks right;
She then frowns to find no one around her.
She violently pins some papers on the cardboard;
Bits and pieces of it which fly aimlessly on the road.
She rests the notepad on her lap;
This little heart pumps faster when the events recap.
Legs thump hard on the ground as she runs;
With voice muted and a dried throat she takes aimless turns.
The ghostly man follows her way throughout;
and with his uncomfortable touch, she painfully shouts.
Whom shall she go to? To whom shall she say?
when she sees her loved ones adoring him everyday.
She holds the pen hard and cries desperately to write;
Wordless she goes when she fails to express her plight.
Tears finally dried and face became expressionless;
Unsurprisingly, she is gripped by insecurity and loneliness.
Can she now survive in this world? Can she now take it all alone?
Past was repeated at every walk of life;
It did not surprise me when she first held the knife.
She looked left, she looked right;
She then frowned to have no one to care for her.
When devils wore the mask of friendship,
she killed her every little hope from relationships.
Whom does she have? For whom shall she live?
What can she say when her loved ones stopped to believe.
On this bench now sits a young girl;
With hope in her eyes and questions about the world.
She looks left, she looks right;
She then "smiles" to find no one around her.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Am I pretty now?
Am I Pretty Now
- Written by Baljit Bamrah
Here comes the ugly one
Looking sad and wearing black
Those stupid fuc*ing preps all laugh
Because she looks so fat
Trying to ignore the comments
She walks, looking at the floor
Since she doesn't say a word
They shout more ugly words
The jocks throw their footballs at her
And the anorexic sluts just laugh
She's teased in science,
she teased in english
She's even teased in math
Everyday, the same routine,
She runs into her room and cries
She thinks that no one cares
If she just curled up and died
Then one day after normal teasing,
She finally had enough
She couldn't handle all their teasing
And other stupid stuff
She grabbed some lipstickand put it on her lips
She grabbed her long black skirt
And then started to rip
At the corner of her eye
She spotted a pointy blade
She slashed her wrists until Her vision started to fade
Suddenly, she fell
Collapsing on a towel
The words carved in her wrists read,
Am I Pretty Now?
- Written by Baljit Bamrah
Here comes the ugly one
Looking sad and wearing black
Those stupid fuc*ing preps all laugh
Because she looks so fat
Trying to ignore the comments
She walks, looking at the floor
Since she doesn't say a word
They shout more ugly words
The jocks throw their footballs at her
And the anorexic sluts just laugh
She's teased in science,
she teased in english
She's even teased in math
Everyday, the same routine,
She runs into her room and cries
She thinks that no one cares
If she just curled up and died
Then one day after normal teasing,
She finally had enough
She couldn't handle all their teasing
And other stupid stuff
She grabbed some lipstickand put it on her lips
She grabbed her long black skirt
And then started to rip
At the corner of her eye
She spotted a pointy blade
She slashed her wrists until Her vision started to fade
Suddenly, she fell
Collapsing on a towel
The words carved in her wrists read,
Am I Pretty Now?
Friday, August 17, 2007
Restless Soul
This feel of a restless soul is so familiar to the dead thought of my body.
The air of suffocation welcomes me once again and I helplessly surrender.
These spirits shout from these four walls where I was always caged. Tell me if you have seen me hugging myself tight, tucking my head between my knees.
I hate the existence of my hands, my nails which fails to hurt the iron bars.
I dislike the touch of my fingers beneath my eyes whenever it attempts to wipe these weak tears. These ears turn red as I outrageously crumple them to cease the haunting sound of pain. Tell me if you have seen me hurting my face with my nails?
Masked face veils the buried realities and I once again welcome hatred from people. So ironical is this appearance adapted that you love to hate me.
Tell me if you have ever looked in the eyes of this masked face.
Here I once again step at your door when you first told me that yes this is your life.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Of what are these people made.....
Of what are these people made,
Of what goes in them to be this way
Their blood of cowardice and betrayal,
Where every moment’s planned to cease your survival
Spit on your hand which once promised someone
Treasure your words which has kept fooling everyone
Of what are these people made,
Of what goes in them to be this way
They breathe the air of jealousy and selfishness
Which holds them back from giving others happiness
They talk bad than any good about you
Its worth laughing on the games they play on you
Of what are these people made,
Of what goes in them to be this way
Opinions formed on what’s told,
Opinions are weak when hatred’s sold
For what is told is different from what it is,
Learning is pointless if you blindly believe
Of what are these people made
Of what goes in them to be this way
Go on with your hatred if you truly feel so,
I wanted to be your friend, but today you thought I'm actually your foe.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
Of what goes in them to be this way
Their blood of cowardice and betrayal,
Where every moment’s planned to cease your survival
Spit on your hand which once promised someone
Treasure your words which has kept fooling everyone
Of what are these people made,
Of what goes in them to be this way
They breathe the air of jealousy and selfishness
Which holds them back from giving others happiness
They talk bad than any good about you
Its worth laughing on the games they play on you
Of what are these people made,
Of what goes in them to be this way
Opinions formed on what’s told,
Opinions are weak when hatred’s sold
For what is told is different from what it is,
Learning is pointless if you blindly believe
Of what are these people made
Of what goes in them to be this way
Go on with your hatred if you truly feel so,
I wanted to be your friend, but today you thought I'm actually your foe.
Written by Vrushali Deshpande
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Extremes give birth to Extremes
Relationship in my opinion is a state involving mutual dealings between people. Every relationship is formed for a need. A person's upbringing plays a pivotal in the evolution of this need and the processing takes place at a very subconscious level. The base for the formation of friendship is like mindedness - some quality in the person we can relate to. Once the comfort level establishes, the business of give and take is at its peak. A relationship between friends can be for support, dependency, security.
The concept of expecting something in return need not be looked at as an inferior step towards a relationship. Human beings are selfish in nature and at some point of time in their relationship they are bound to express their wants and desires. In a situation, one party may choose to do all the listening, while the other could be estranged to the whole idea of affiliation. In such a case, the listening party shows symptom of low self esteem. However, if the same person's self esteem is pretty high elsewhere, then such behaviour is due to high level of insecurity the person has towards the relationship. Sooner or later, he will release his frustration in some way or the other. This is most often done directly on the party causing pain. Or some may choose to release it on parents, friends and even better would be to pen down their thoughts.
What then could be the want of the listening party? The want is a justifiable reason for such rejection. A stubborn person with a high self esteem will explore all possibilities of digging the reason for such rejection. In the course of solving the mystery, the person may end up doing a lot of analysis about the relationship, the behaviour of other person involved, and there are high chances of either hating this person or falling deeply in love with this person causing pain. Any one of the two can be only confirmed over a period of time.
This is primarily why extremes give birth to extremes.
The concept of expecting something in return need not be looked at as an inferior step towards a relationship. Human beings are selfish in nature and at some point of time in their relationship they are bound to express their wants and desires. In a situation, one party may choose to do all the listening, while the other could be estranged to the whole idea of affiliation. In such a case, the listening party shows symptom of low self esteem. However, if the same person's self esteem is pretty high elsewhere, then such behaviour is due to high level of insecurity the person has towards the relationship. Sooner or later, he will release his frustration in some way or the other. This is most often done directly on the party causing pain. Or some may choose to release it on parents, friends and even better would be to pen down their thoughts.
What then could be the want of the listening party? The want is a justifiable reason for such rejection. A stubborn person with a high self esteem will explore all possibilities of digging the reason for such rejection. In the course of solving the mystery, the person may end up doing a lot of analysis about the relationship, the behaviour of other person involved, and there are high chances of either hating this person or falling deeply in love with this person causing pain. Any one of the two can be only confirmed over a period of time.
This is primarily why extremes give birth to extremes.
Solitude & Loneliness
Solitude is a self permitted state where you put yourself in, in order to be at peace.
The companionship is with someone you know the best, the exchange of thoughts & expression of conflicts is with someone you are the most comfortable with.
We wear more masks on our face than any other person we know in our capacity.
Thus, the most challenging task is in exploring the obvious & the unobvious aspects of our personality. By being in solitude you give yourself an opportunity to know yourself well enough to then state rational reasons for your actions and reactions.
While Solitude is something you choose, loneliness is imposed on you by others.
Loneliness is not only being alone in the crowd but it is also an extreme state of isolation when you are with yourself. It is an emotionally helpless condition of an individual who desires seclusion for reasons best convincing to him.
Whether in some cases it is simply masochism, the mental condition still remains the same. Loneliness is self-punishment marked by discontentment (deficiency state) & an awareness of aloneness.
While Solitude restores body and mind, Loneliness depletes them.
Written by: Vrushali Deshpande
Thursday, June 21, 2007
It is about living the way...
Advices are futile when you do not implement them in your life. Advices are dangerous because you have no right with you to be responsible for someone else's life. Sensitivity level differs from person to person, so what can break me to tears may not necessarily impact you in a similar way. How then can you empathize with anyone even after going through a similar situation?
Some people are so sensitive that your one 'Word' can make or shake their life. You would be partly responsible for whatever then happens to them.
I'm against the concept of 'Help', but I'm not against the concept of 'guidance'. I'm against the concept of 'Advices', but I'm not against the concept of 'Suggestion'.
For me alleviating someone's pain would mean saying the following:
The time you cry be assured you have many friends with you crying over situations that are worse according to their perspective. Problems cannot be compared, life cannot be compared.
When we cry over problems, why do we behave as if God had promised us in advance a joyous life?
What love is which does not hurt us? What love is which does not make us realize the value of losing the person we love? It is only when we are hurt then do we know it actually was 'Love'. So what life is which does not give us pain to understand the value of happiness? How can you grow mentally without having suffered in life?
I do not believe when people say, "You can be happy as long as you believe you are happy." That would mean succumbing to every negative happening and still compelling yourself subconsciously to be mentally tough.
Belief is a trick. Our belief can be manipulated by impressive orators, best seller books, touchy movies or simply a word of a person we blindly trust.
I need a God damn reason to be happy and that is setting a goal and struggling to achieve it. My reason for happiness need not necessarily be your reason for happiness. Happiness a gifted favour in installments would be valued more than my blind belief to be happy because I want to believe I'm.
Essence of living a happy life is in never questioning if you are happy in life.
Answer to that question results in scrutinizing the reasons for unhappiness.
So why dive into the ocean of 'suffering' all over again?
Written by: Vrushali Deshpande
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
HOPE
Fiction!I wake up in the morning to face the happenings, this sun which I welcome out of compulsion. My expressionless face and my aimless body language worries people around me. They console me pointlessly when they know not the reason.
The luck charm appears to have gone forever, the blessings does not seem to be with me anymore. I converse with God and I tell him how fair he has been towards me. By doing that I try finding out ways where I do not blame anyone but me.
The dreams make fun of me, they fulfill my unfulfilled wishes and how I know it is trying to show me the least possible. My heart pumps faster and this indeed happens at a subconscious level, but I feel hope for those moments and I’m so happy. This hope makes fun of me in many ways. It enters my life in the form of a dream and later slaps me by telling me that it was never around me.
The ray of sun disturbs my eyes. I quickly close my eyes to escape from the very thought of hope. This thought I once escaped from, this thought which I deeply hate now.
Failure comes my way and I still train my mind to think positive.
I do this all to respect God's gift of life. I do this all because there is no other better way of living life.
Written by: Vrushali Deshpande
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)