Saturday, August 27, 2011

Today's Fairy Tale: Glimpse into reality




Long lived the fairy tale in the heart of a juvenile girl who learnt to believe with time, love is the foundation of every joy and hardship. With faith and willpower, one can still climb the ladder of success, but amidst the struggle, if love chooses to leave, disappointment creeps in, but that in no way shall adhere the determination to carry on and come out strong.

The story told to me by my ‘self’ must be a little or very different than what other girls must have heard of, but in any way, we both are sailing in the same boat which is sinking.

We both are walking in the dark tunnel and a stranger boy decides to walk with us, giving us support and showing us the ‘bright light’ at the end of it. He teaches us about hope, never giving up and you remove your shield and tell him that you are finally trusting someone after a long time.

The journey with him despite the dark tunnel seems beautiful; love is all that matters. The journey seems everlasting and just a few hours ago before we met him, we were desperate to see the bright light of hope, and now that he is with us, we never want the walk to end.

You would love to see the wonders with him after reaching the destination, but a fear of people changing always grips in.

“I trust you alas! after the longest time”, We say. “I will never break it, I will never disappoint you”. probably a line said and heard many a times.

All my life, I have been aware of people around me and I would walk with my shield on; sometimes talking joyfully with people I do not even know and not talking to people I see almost every day. Isn't it always best to avoid showing people what you are, especially the people who are associated to you professionally?

When I give, I give it all. When I love, I love it all. When I say I trust you, it is all the trust and I might know to control work, politics or people who matter less to me, but I do not know to keep a tab on how much love I give. Over a period of time, it has become both my boon and bane. What makes it either of it depends on the kind of person I have met.

Today when I walk with this boy who is no more a stranger to me, I face hurdles on the way and I have no shoulder to support on, no hand I can hold, because it seems he has got tired walking all that long 'with me'. I offer him my hand, my shoulder, which he denies. Isn't love about being there for each other, supporting each other, standing by each other? All being said, he simply does not need your affection anymore and despite your attempts to make him share, he shows reluctance. Love in this scenario reminds you of what you are; that you are strong and independent and you can self depend on yourself.

Love sometimes for some people seem to be more about mood of the time, than a feeling which the heart beholds. Probably this is not love, but I am no expert in this field to tell someone "you do not know how to love", and if I have in anger, I have been wrong.

He made me believe that the bright light was hope all this time, but as I approached it, I found it was a bright headlight of a train running towards me. Probably, that was my destination and he only accompanied me for a while to make me smile and cry for few hours. He later headed backwards without bidding good-bye and amidst the darkness, I could not find him anywhere. I was unfortunate enough to have not found his footprints.

Despite the disbelief, mistrust and bad experiences, if you are a strong person, someone deep within you is always telling you, “all are not the same”. There is no point to living life if there is no hope. It is important to remember that never love someone so much that you lose the ability to control yourself. Never be a puppet to someone; make your own decisions and respect the other person’s decisions. In a relationship, it is not so much about love or adjustment; it is all about respect that you have for each other.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande
P:S Who said only mythology has stories written?

Thursday, August 25, 2011

In search of ME

I told him, “Aloneness is frustrating me”. He asked, “but wasn’t aloneness always your choice?”
I said yes, because I did not want anyone else to be around me except him and there came a point when he stayed and yet I felt aloneness. It was only then I realized, I was missing nonetheless than me, myself.

I told him, “I used to have fun with myself”. He asked me, “fun in what way?” I said, sometimes you just cannot explain, sometimes you just cannot understand.

Life is beautiful. I once had the mind to understand it, I once had the heart to feel it, I once had the soul to realize it is life. Today I do not feel my mind, my heart and my soul. These are just not words. I don’t find a better way of putting it. I am on the edge of a valley, waiting to be pushed by someone I am unable to find. I am in search of me.


Thursday, August 18, 2011

Silence Within

Love is a word which is most used by human beings, meant by a very few and felt by hardly anyone, yet the usage continues. Trust, in the same scenario, is the most brutally raped word. I would defy if it is said that most people cheat because they enjoy doing so. Often the most honest, dedicated and a loyal person with a conscience difficult to shudder, end up becoming someone they never believed they could be. It is not the question then, if the person is good or bad now; it is the answer, that this person is no more the same, the way she had groomed herself to be since birth; very logically, this person no more exists, but is yet breathing, and so is still alive.

I often used words like silence, suffocation, pain and suffering in my write-ups, but when all of these reach a point where nothingness exist, you truly become silent towards people who caused this to you and whom you once gave all the love. Why love someone so much that in the whole process, you lose yourself? Who did you speak and share maximum with? – It is you, yourself. Isn’t it then obvious, you are your best friend, you are your true life partner; why then when we love, we care more for the other than ourselves? Caring is good, but not the cost of being humiliated and disrespected each day for the love you are giving; not at the cost of being taken for granted for every adjustment you are trying to make and definitely not for being trusted for every tolerance.

Tears at one point do not make you feel better; jokes do not make you laugh and hugs do not anymore comfort you. Deep down, you are struggling to take back your self-respect from the person, who did not just demean your respect, but kicked right on your face and told you “for all these years that you lived, you were a shame”
Such people will come and go in your life; probably you will even end up changing completely; probably you will for some time stop talking to yourself, but with determination and willpower, you will find your strength back and realize that no jerk who one day decided to walk into your life, could pass a judgment on the life that you lived so far.

All this stands true and holds meaning, if you know from within you are true to yourself more than being honest to others; if you were never the root cause behind all the mess up.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande