Talking to a Flower

You know your no reaction or hurtful things never truly gave me pain, it only pressed the wounds that were already there. I shared everything with you. When it came to giving a good news, you continued to ignore me. You didn't feel like calling or emailing, nothing. 

But still it doesn't hurt me as much seeing cold faces of people when my professor appreciates, and thinks so nice of me. Even then there was no reaction. There was silence from both. 

Tell me why would it hurt when you too did everything i pleaded you not to? 

I received online expensive deliveries from them when all i needed to hear was , "We are proud of you".I didn't need materialistic things. I only needed to be cuddled, a pat on the back. 

You didn't hurt me. You only added to the pain that is already there.  

How can you betray my trust when I have never felt what keeping it feels like? 

I trained myself for no physical touch of affection and froze my emotions because I have been too scared to be loved back and abandoned. Until I trusted you and let in. 

You made me feel the first month what normal feels like, how it feels to vent it all out before someone for the first time. I removed all my guards.  

You are the only person who "asked me" if we can cuddle. Only once in past, I gathered courage to ask. I received that hug and cuddles one day in 14600 days of my life. Just once...

The remaining months I saw the real normal.  How I have always been treated by one I love so much. 

Do you realise how much it takes for me to even share everything,  how much it takes to remove all my guards down and let you in , and after knowing everything,  you did everything to end my soul. 

After 6 long years, i have been laughing like a Monkey all alone, and then I stopped making a fool of myself, because everyone else seemed to be like every other day. 

I am almost convinced that I have no clue what normal is. 

You can be rest assured everything you did never hurt me, it only pressed the wounds that could never heal. I was okay to being numb these 11 years.

I sowed the seed, I nurture it, I talk to it , I even fight with people for its space everyday. That's all I got, knowing fully well whether a human or flower, it will not respond to any of it. 

May be you were right when you asked , "Are you sure you love Me and not obsessed with me?."