The Torturous Intensity of Fear and Anxiety

The pain I am talking about is the deep-rooted fear and anxiety that grips me and refuses to let go. It is a pain that I never experienced before, and I wonder if even pain has its own intensity of being torturous.

It isn't that I don't want to see you lead a happy life. It is just that I realize I was always pulling you back, sinking you in my lonely ocean of sorrows. 

It isn't that I think you will abandon me. It is the terrorizing fear in the form of claustrophobic anxiety that begs the question, "What if?" What if you get too busy in your new life? What if I don't remain your priority anymore? Why is that so hard to assume because it is so obvious to happen. And then one day What if you realize you had enough?

These thoughts may seem irrational to you, but to me, they are like a dark cloud that hovers over my head, constantly reminding me of my insecurities. They consume my mind and suffocate me with their intensity. And the worst part is, I cannot seem to escape them.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande