Faith

Some promise and some break it. Some ask you to have faith in them; they assure you and keep so much at stake. It isn't easy to fight our own battles, but it is far more difficult when others fight your battles for you.  There you meet those who stand there to see you fail and you believe their words.

There you meet the one who stands there to see you succeed and you don't believe her words. 

As I walked lifelessly on the empty streets of Gateway, I asked myself, " Why is it difficult for people to have faith in me?". As I thought, I walked aimlessly watching the sea waves, hoping to find its answer in it.

It doesn't matter what I say, what I assure.
It doesn't matter what I feel, how much I love. 

As I walked tearfully on the empty pavements of Colaba, I am awakened by the hard push of a Tempo. It's rusted body brushes through my arm ruthlessly causing excruciating pain.  I don't shout despite the agony. It isn't just me but my reflexes have numbed me a lot more than I thought. 

No one saw me stumble on the dirty patch of the road and I continued bleeding hoping for the blood to stop. I move my arm delicately to see my skin tear off. It is then that my thoughts paused. 

As I lie on this hospital bed tonight, I recall everything I felt.  These medications sedate me to numb my mind. Little did they know, it only needed a thought to get me there. 

Un(?)Complicated Life !

As quiet I have been in last three weeks, as frozen I feel since past few years.  This day which you live somewhere around me, I pause emotionally each moment of it. I am not a sad soul who needs some help to revive happiness. I am just a little less ignorant than you are to let go cruelty, inhumanity as casually as you do. I concealed this all these years and pretentiously gave out an ignorant vibe, just the way you realistically do. But just that now I even lose the pretense of it. 

I am a paradox of my inherent self and my gullibility no more keeps me going in the humanly proclaimed world “sane”. There is just too much shit going on at every walk of life. Cricket and soccer are not the only sports people are enthusiastic about; chess is not the only game that challenges a witty and defeats a mind. Chess is most fantastically played by experts in maneuvering relationships. Just that the board they use is not as clearly distinguished between white and black; it simply is too grey. 

It is funny how easy it is to conceal evil and portray goodness but difficult to covert an over-proportioned belly and look thin. Just so easily life is defined, isn’t it? 

I am not in need of any company; I am in most comfort in the loneliness of my being. I smile at my lines with sarcastic genuineness and watch people around me live their self in the way they can most enjoy. Junior college young lads and girls sit out gulping a tank of beer and seem to be laughing till glory. I spent mine sitting on the bench outside college eating vada pav stuffed with green chilies. I did not need alcohol then to be high on life.  Just so easily life was then defined, wasn’t it?

I am at that phase of life where "so called eligible men" meet me for marriage. Is it with me or with them that I find a man with a failed marital relationship looking for marriage more interesting than a single fascinated by my Photoshoped pictures? I would readily happily turn down the latter for the former to find realism in relationship. 

Written by Vrushali