Silent Emotions

Sometimes I stare blankly at my television giving an impression to people around me that I am just fine. Often I evade eye contact with them just to escape from their query of concern.

I often choose silence before my loved ones because I do not want them to know how much faith I have lost in life. I detach my emotions from my friends because I do not want to pass on my negativity into their life. I deny talking to myself because I do not want to make myself aware of the extent to which I am broken from within.

I silent myself before people who love me and I am in no position to trust people who do not love me. I stay quiet to gossips around me; I stay quiet to complaints of people; I wish that just for one day life decides to leave me alone and I can choose to do what I want to do; I can choose to be how I want to be. Today amidst everything I have forgotten the way to my life.

The more I appear stronger to people in real life; the more my weakness gets apparent here; the more people are scared of me in real life; the more I express here how detached I want to be from their emotions. Today I do not know how I started with in life; if I was better than this or have I become stronger in real life to handle it all.

The only way I get to know how far I have come in emotions; the only way I get to read me is when I am here. My blog lets me be.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande

Love

Sometimes you explore the most pure emotions within you in an age when every one around you is waiting to tell you how momentary they are. While I was too busy in believing their words, I never realized when these emotions chose to be a part of me and one fine day decided to get out of me leaving me completely changed. It was the day when you came into my life; it was the time when we thought we are in love.

I knew you before I even knew of emotions like love or hatred; I knew you before I even understood the difference between right and wrong; I knew you before I even knew myself. Sometimes when you know someone too well, it becomes difficult for you to pretend before them that you are buying their lie; it becomes difficult to pretend you don’t know what they are doing. It was the day when you silently decided to fall in love with someone else.

Sometimes you are so much in love that you choose to give them their time to explore what they really want and let yourself watch this in silence, gulping every tear that leaves you suffocated. It did not break me when you hid her from me; it broke me when she aggressively revealed her existence in your life to me. It was the day when you chose to not believe me.

Sometimes you go so quiet that you detach your conscience from speaking to you. You are most alone not when people go from your life; you are alone when you deny talking to yourself.

I have seen you change from teenage to adolescence and from adolescence to adulthood; you grew up with me and no one can know us better. It was the day when you wanted to be my friend once again.

Sometimes you disbelieve so much in feelings which on one hand make you to feel its love and on the other hand forces you to think it is infatuation. Sometimes you choose to never feel anything even remotely close to it that you even disregard the slight hope of love entering in your life. It was the day when work helped me to ignore you.

When the more I did not want to see you; the more you tried getting back to me. When the more I chose to hid those strong emotions within me, the more you saw it through me. Sometimes they know you so well that you cannot pretend you do not love them anymore. It was the day when you found out I still love you. It was the day when you forced me to meet you.

Sometimes you become too busy finding your ways to avoid facing someone you love the most. I did not take your call for the whole day; I did not answer your messages for the forthcoming days. I realized my feelings for you grew stronger with each coming day and I could not anymore wear the mask. It was the day when I got a call from a friend saying you have left me forever.

Seeing you lie in front of me with your eyes closed, I wondered if you would ever get up and make me believe it is a prank; if you would ever tell me it was just your way to get me to meet you. The more close I got to you; the more I tried to absorb the fragrance of your body; recaping every little memory that went with you - from your silly attempts of building a car out of the sand on the shore to the funny faces you made just to make me smile.

As I sat down I waited for my one last hope that you will now get up. I touched your feet and it made realize that this is the last time I am touching you.


Sometimes you explore the most profound emotions within you in an age when you never believe it can ever be a part of you. While I was too busy in protecting myself from getting hurt, I never realized that this very act will leave me hurt forever.


Written by Vrushali Deshpande

Freedom to the Soul

Time takes a pause as I stand on this cliff to feel my life,
This journey of reincarnation begins for me as I placidly close my eyes
I hear the music of sea waves; I let the wind caress my hair,
I breathe the air of peace and absorb more life into me
Aura of purity unmasks every layer that I wear
And with every unveiling, this defeat from human life I joyfully declare

Written by Vrushali Deshpande

Acceptance

It is simple to disregard someone’s thought and argue over it for all of your life. Often the time we hear anything extremely different from the way we think and contradictory to ours, we are filled with instantaneous negative reactions and our act is then to convince them with all our words on what we think over it. Funny isn’t it, this whole game of changing someone’s thoughts and opinions and making it more and more convenient for us to be able to survive with them.

I wonder sometimes what is so difficult to understand that we all have been brought up in different environments and culture; that we all have had different experiences in life; that we have exposed ourselves to different sources of information, be it the kind of books we read, the sort of movies we watch. We are all different from each other in some ways; we all are different from each other in many ways and I guess that is what makes conversations so interesting.

Someone said a very beautiful thing to me yesterday, "The best thing is to accept people as they are, if they really like you and you like them, you BOTH will change little".

I was not stranger to similar words; I was not completely unaware to this intention in his words; but he was a person with a simple heart who effortlessly conveyed the most insightful thing to me and I could not believe that learning could be so easy.

We cannot always desire for someone to be just like us and expect better understanding; it is only when we find in that someone a person we always wanted to be, then can we truly grow in them; it is only when we find someone who does things we always longed to do, then can we truly find happiness with them.

Written by Vrushali Deshpande

The Alarm of Life: Don't Snooze! :)

It takes less than a second for one to react furiously and just a few more seconds to react cordially. It takes less than a minute to say no to a beloved who wishes to spend time with you and a few more minutes to prioritize and re-work your schedule. It takes less than an hour to delegate a task to someone and just a few more hours to make them understand your requirement.

It is only when we decide patience to travel in our mind that it can reduce the time taken for anger to subside and calmness to settle. When our attitudes work on impulse, we leave little scope for some thinking to happen. It is when our so called “mood” starts to act fickle frequently that the world around us starts to get intimidated by our unpredictable reaction. Welcome then yourself to detachment and aloofness because you are distancing people from your life.

You egoistically hurray to this as you realize the progress of lesser bondage, but more than what others get from you; it is what you eventually get from all this -just more detest today toward relationships and tomorrow aggravating venom running in your mind, body and eventually soul.


A wise stranger once told me, “Keep the faith” and despite the recurrent mishaps, these three words which I once chose to outcast from my mind, continued to impact positively in every ultimate decision of my life.


Written by Vrushali Deshpande